In fact a mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.
A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone; they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality, in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual.
Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think over it. Domination is a sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you think of dominating a person you love? You would love to see the person totally free, independent; you will give him more individuality. That’s why I call it the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their individualities are not effaced – they have become more enhanced. The other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.
Immature people falling in love destroy each other’s freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.
February 28, 2014
Lately you are falling back to your old self; stress eating, overthinking, manic-depressive mode, anhedonia and whatnots. It’s unhealthy. It’s unsafe. It makes you heavy. Do yourself a favor, don’t let yourself go that way again. You’re better now and I hope you continue being better everyday.
I know it feels selfish having that bachelor’s degree and that professional license for not wanting to work immediately and for wanting to take your time. But let me tell you; it’s okay. It’s okay to take your time, it’s okay to be afraid. Embracing the idea of the whole adult stuff can be scary especially for a little girl like you.
Let me remind you that getting that license wasn’t easy for you; a lot of things (and that person) had to be sacrificed. You worked your ass off to get that. And college, don’t forget how college fucked you over and over and over more than anyone else. You survived that. My point is you deserve to have three months for your self before real life happens to you. Your own bills, work, independence and all that adult stuff; You will be whacked out by it. So, young self, take it; you deserve it.
Forgive yourself because others won’t and never hate them for that. Don’t regret and wish you hadn’t done some things in the past, they needed to happen; for you and for them. Don’t be compelled to apologize for things you needed to do. Be selfish but don’t stop caring. Remember not to give up on anyone ever again; miracles happen every day.
Love yourself, so you wouldn’t need it from others. Love yourself, so it overflows for others who need it. Love yourself, spoil yourself, invest on it. Give him a chance. He’s the most decent guy you’ve ever known. He understands your bad days. He makes you the happiest, what else matters? Let love in but let it go when it has to.
Don’t look back because your not heading there. May you continue maturing. May you have the best summer this year and may you live the best life ahead of you.
Feel good now.
I’ll be back here, first day, next year, promise.
My life in squares lately…
Last Friday of August ‘13
Day 7, last day of what I’m doing.
I had to wake up early because I have a visitor was coming over at lunch time. She came with these not yet decorated cupcakes, I told her we do the frosting here at home so we’d have something to do and that’s what we did. Boy it was fun, we literally screamed at every piece of cupcake we did! I didn’t know why we screamed but we both did. They were too cute.
No tea or yoga happened today, I’m surprised that that saddened me a little.
//A scheduled post//
Last Thursday of August ‘13
Day 6 of this thing I’m doing
I woke up at exact 10:00 today. Changed my Pj’s into my yoga suit, I had to do yoga because I didn’t do it yesterday and the day before that. I did yoga partly because today I am going to eat brown rice for lunch and tofu and vegetables. Boy, I wasn’t even excited for that at all.
I cooked my own lunch, anyone in this house doesn’t know what I’m going through so I had to cook for myself. I totally forgot about the brown rice, so I burnt the bottom part of it and the rest half-cooked. I ended up tossing it with cabbage and tofu and scallops. It was bland, it had to be. The rice was depressing, I lost my appetite. God! I missed my usual eating pattern so much.
I also did laundry today, I washed my sheets so I could move back to my room. It’s been a month since I last slept in my own room because I felt scared for nothing.I slept in my youngest sister’s room, I don’t feel scared when I sleep in with her. Back to the laundry thing, I did it because the laundry lady comes only on Saturdays.
Started reading “The Best of Me” by Nicholas Sparks today with legit lemon iced tea. I remember wanting it to read a year ago, but I never got the right time to read it, now’s not the right time either, I just have no other choice. When I like a movie or a book, I don’t read/watch it right away, I keep saying I’d watch/read it at the right time, and most times, I end up not seeing those things I wanna experience.
//A scheduled post//